WHITE POWDER


Linkin Park – In Between

I was on my way to the bus station. Despite everything I felt pretty good. I wasn’t skipping down the sidewalk or anything, but I liked some things about myself and I didn’t wan to die. It was the closest I’d been to optimistic in years. — Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan

Second half of the book felt like it was written drunk, it felt a bit rushed and some what inconsistent with the beginnings. Timeline felt a bit more warped than usual, but it’s weird and funny. The type of funny isn’t as LOL as some other books you might have read. But as you read, you’ll stop and chuckle and return to reading. It’s not that easy to put down, so time-block a bit for this one. Oh lots of vulgarity, which I like very much.

In the book there’s a what is described as -sadistic corporate climber- woman. After reading about her and her behaviors, it’s what we are suppose to aspire to. Obviously not everyone wants to be a corporate exec, but these goal oriented, let-not-one-day pass life style that we lead is somewhat unhealthy. and it’s ironic since i just posted an entry about time-blocking on my other blog!

let’s hope that my kind of ‘doing-well’ is different, because right now i’m not really sure there could be a difference.

let’s hope that my kind of ‘doing-well’ is different, because right now i’m not really sure there could be a difference.

wikipedia described this book as a “possibly part of a trend of novels focusing on directionless people of an unusually young age for such restlessness”

won’t it be ironic if young people HAD directions? But i’m also rooting for direction-less anti-heros, who find people that got it together interesting? isn’t it the raw human emotions of struggle much more beautiful? okay i’ll shut up now…! It was also cute how he focused on cubicle-hate, that’s so early 2000 late 1990s! We don’t work in cubicles anymore, we suffer in open spaces with 20 year olds as our CEOs, not making money but getting to attend the Grammys. Oh wait, I work for GAP, i’m just going to take this battery pack and smack it over my head now.

I sincerely hope I get to be a 20-something thats making it and getting there with my innovation and love for the environment, I’m 21 and i think it’s too damn late.

Also Paul writes a blog, which wikipedia described as ‘regularly upating’, his last entry dated 2008… it’s..not 2008 anymore. And the kicker is he uses typepad, innovation, you gota love it.

OH YEAH, my biggest impression of the book, he writes like he’s British, the whole time i felt like i was reading a book from across the pond, but it’s from America, he writes like he’s British. quite mind blowing actually..

what a random entry, new hair cut after the cut

Continue reading WHITE POWDER

happy new year Q&A

i did this last year (read 2008s) and i think it’ll be fun to do it again i posted this early because…! well im bored!~ if anything happens between now and new years day i’ll be sure to update it

1. Where were you when 2009 began?
I don’t remember, I assumed at home writing 2008’s Q&A or maybe at a party..

2. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

yes! i finally drank so much i threw up lol.. not really a good thing but still a new thing! Oh and I got to hold a real live alligator!

3. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Again I can’t remember, but for next year my only resolution would be to live happier, and that’s every single day, not the beginning of a new year, oh and maybe exercise more! but we all know that ain’t happenin’ !

4. Go to any concerts this year?

NOO ididn’t! but I’m going to see Utada Hikaru (UTADA) in seattle on Jan 21st (excited)

there were chances to see DRAGONETTE, ARCTIC MONKEY, FRANZ FERDINAND, ERIC HUTCHINSON, PRETTY RECKLESS, and METRIC, i didn’t go to any of these, sigh =_=

need to find friends that want to go to these things, or just go by myself..


5. Will you be looking for a new job in 2009?

Well I’ve been job hunting so fingers crossed for this amazing upcoming opportunity

6. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?

Yah, here are some evidence / Jan 4th / Nov 8th

7. Did you go on any vacations? If so, where?
Nope, nada, my mom went away for 3 months to china so that felt like a vacation, lol jkjk!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I can’t think of anything that resulted in anything physical, like an award or something. but im happy that i am able to talk myself out of stuff, and believe in a better tomorrow (that was so cheeesssy =_= sorry)

9. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Um, i really can’t think of anything! i guess it would be not to have messed up so much with that TA that i liked! I dont know if it was me or him! it could have been him! but it also might have been me! ohhh the hardships when you totally dont know the other person at ALL LOL! yeah i dont know why i care so much, probably because i thought he was the coolest dork in the world.
like the type of person that you can go to wal-mart with and help contribute to websites like peopleofwalmart.com
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

nothing in particular, got sick a couple of times during flu season the non H1N1 kind..oh and drank so many kinds of cough syrup

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It would have to be -hands down- my leather jacket from ZARA! man i love it so much, i wish everyday was a crisp fall day or early spring day so i could wear it. it’s really not enough for winter time. i pair it with everything, casual wear, or something girly or when i try to hide in rock star mode~~ I LOVE IT! BEST PURCHASE (also the most expensive one this year other than my ipod)

and these Nikes :D I dont wear these nearly as much as the jacket but i can’t pass these up, i just can’t!


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

All my friends! everyone is much nicer than i think they are, i am just paranoid! especially everyone that reads my blogs ^_^ it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling on the insides, not much different than after watching a heart warming film like Bambi….! LOL

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
i guess just those people that keep disappointing you again and again, because they were ONCE nice to you, you tend to give them second chances, but these second chances are not deserved.

14. Where did most of your money go?

CLOTHES! of course..and FOOD!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
nada…

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

for some reason, this song will always stick by me: LISZTOMANIA by PHOENIX

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
HAPPIER for sure, i found the elixir of life! VODKA just kidding, the elixir of life is just enjoying every minute that you have left on earth. it may seem semi un-realistic. But man, so tired of putting up with shit, if you are at a boring party just leave, and deal with the consequences NEVER! i dont make a responsible adult..no i dont..

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
study more so i didnt fail 2 courses last term lol..

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastination (same as 2008)

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mom drinking grey goose (that we got on sale xD) and watching random movies

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I fall in love every single day okay!

23. What was the biggest change for you in 2009?
passing my damn courses, and not being such a douche at times oh and letting go of people and understanding that despite my best efforts not everyone likes me

24. What were your favorite TV programmes?
HOUSE! + THE BIG BANG THEORY + and recently discovered GLEE

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

noppeee! hating people is particularly tiring

26. What was the best book you read?

Pretty much anything by malcolm gladwell, that guy is a genius! Oh and how could i forget about all of my summer readings? Douglas Coupland’s books!!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

CALVIN HARRIS! not really a new discovery but i like him a lot more this year, does that count?

28. What did you want and get?

um, better self – understanding? a load of crap but yeah it’s actually kind of true!


29. What did you want and not get?

hmm i really wanted to find a boyfriend this year, but that didnt happen but i guess it’s not something that you can try for i dont think im good at being one of two, but i guess i wont know unless i try!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Well the my most anticipated film this year was 500 days of summer which i wrote (one, two) entries about. Also I was obsessed with The September Issue, i saw it again with my mom and she commented by saying “anna wintour is so cute!” LOLOL! Yeah she is actually

31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Best birthday so far, thanks to every body that came to celebrate it with me. I turned 21 this year which means what, VEGAS BABY!!!

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
um, no one in particular, it was more like a group effort

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

I am more into REAL fashion, i still dont know what that is. but i think i would remember this year as the year of the collaborations! GAP x ALEX WANG / STELLA McCARTNEY / VENA CAVA , TARGET x RODARTE/ ANNA SUI, JIMMY CHOO X H&M, SHU UEMURA X TSUMORI CHISATO! And a lot more than that, it’s everybody working with everybody! I actually ended up returning the stella mccartney sweater which i regret so damn much, it’s so beautiful!!!! but i didnt feel justified spending that much on it =_=

here’s a little fashion blog thing that i attempted, yeah, here i go linking it! LOL

34. What kept you sane?
INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and MUSIC

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

NATALIE!!!!!!! of community channel on youtube

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

LADY GAGA – THE FAME

I can’t help myself
I’m addicted to a life of material
It’s some kind of joke
I’m obsessively opposed to the typical

All we care about is
Runway models, cadillacs and liquor bottles
Give me something, i wanna be
Retro glamour, hollywood, yes we live for the

Fame, doin’ it for the fame
’cause we wanna live the life
Of the rich and famous
Fame, doin’ it for the fame
’cause we gotta taste for champagne
And endless fortune


37. Who did you miss?

always the same person, i dont even know why! need to shoot myself!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
hmm. nope, pretty loner this year..

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
care less and party more!

40. What are your plans for 2010?
CHANGE!
CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT.

(same as last year)

NOTHING TO TYPE BUT THIS

I HAVEN’T HAD SUCH BAD WRITERS BLOCK FOR A LONG TIME NOW

I WRITE A LOT OF “DRAFTS” THAT NEVER GET PUBLISHED

BECAUSE AFTER A NIGHT’S SLEEP, THESE SMALL PROBLEMS AREN’T REALLY PROBLEMS ANYMORE

THIS HAS BEEN THE MENTALITY THAT GOT ME THROUGH THIS YEAR

I AM OKAY

I CAN’T HAVE PEOPLE GET ME DOWN

BECAUSE I NEVER LET MYSELF DOWN

I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER

AND WHEN I WALK AWAY I WONT FEEL SAD

IT’S TIME FOR ME TO TAKE MY BITE OF THE WORLD

BECAUSE HERE I COME

AND NOTHING’S STOPPING ME

SOMETIMES THIS IS ALL IT TAKES

VIA STAPLE DESIGN

shake shake SHAKE?

my friend asked me about the shake to shuffle function on the 3.0+V OS for ipodtouch/iphone

i demonstrated, it demonstrated by not doing it, i shook again, and again, eventually it gave in and changed songs.

i listen to my ipod a LOT A LOT A LOT since i take the bus to school and it’s a pretty long ride.

in the mornings, it takes about 40 minutes to get to school and im usually very much so at peace, i can listen to any song on shuffle and i won’t angrily smudge my oily finger prints on the screen by repeatedly pressing “fwd”or the two triangles.

it’s a very different case on the way home, since the 40 minutes swelled up some water and expanded to 1 hour and more sometimes. it’s crowded too needless to say.

i am very bad at not noticing my environment so yes i do notice all the highschool students, talking, swearing, yelling…

i can’t be at peace, so there’s a lot of angry forwarding..which made me think

what am i skipping to? it’s not as if there was a song that i really wanted to listen to, i would be listening to it. instead, i am skipping songs in the hopes that something better will come along and pierce my boredom a little bit; it doesn’t happen. so the 1 hour + usually is spent skipping songs on my ipod..

i think that’s what i am doing lately too; skipping, skipping some more, waiting for better things, better people to come along. nobody, nothing comes along; not because i am unlucky or DOOMED because nothing better can come along unless I adjust to the current life that i lead.

so yeah, don’t bitch about life, just live it and be happy with it, at least you aren’t dead..

rmb that tshirt that i got??

so yeah, i can’t stop listening to TEGAN and SARA’s new album “sainthood” specifically their song “HELL”

e-e-e-e-mbed!

i also am listening to this cool band called MONSTERS OF FOLK

i wish i could tell you a cool story of how i found this band, here we go, i ordered some coffee and while i was waiting at starbucks it was the pick of the week..

and there you have it

im not preaching, im just sayin’

annoyed but alive

i’m not really busy or anything but i can’t find a good topic to talk about. Other than the usual: social awkwardness, quitting facebook, difficult people at work, etc..

do you say etc in real life? sometimes when i talk, it’s like..blahblah etcetera and people ask me, ETC WHAT?!?!

and im like, oh, nothing??

did you know FOREVER 21 in canada is called XXI forever? for some reason it feels like a real grand gesture to use roman numerals.

either way.

dead or alive

hope everyone’s doing well.

P.S. I am sitting on my toilet, and yeah that’s my roll of toilet paper

how to deal with difficult people

there was an episode of The Office where Phyllis googled “how to deal with difficult people” and tried the tactics on Angela, who makes me cringe every time she appears on screen and i forgot how the episode ended.

there are so many types of difficult people, i need countless tactics to deal with them, more than all the moves on street fighter IV. but i think the way i do it is pretty good, mostly ignoring and indifference and plus most people dislike / are scared of me.

i wasn’t going to blog today because i dont have an interesting and conversation provoking image to post. I wish I took a picture of the jar of smashed jam outside the train station, it was perfect but i only had a crappy cell phone cam at the time and it was hot.

so if you follow me on twitter (which you should !!! plug plug plug) you’d know that i didn’t get the job with apple =(

i really dont think it was any fault of my own, my school schedule collided heavily with their training schedule. if it weren’t for that i’m a shoe in, i would be the perfect apple employee, here are some reasons why.

  • i look excellent in blue OR orange
  • i have a variety of excellent, limited edition sneakers that are attention grabbing and directed to the apple customer demographic
  • i have 3 years of experience in dealing with angry pissed off customers, which do not speak english, are over the age of 50 and will refuse to listen to reason.
  • apple gets quite busy and i am really small so i take minimal space
  • i have a sense of urgency and i speak incredibly fast, showing customers that not only their computers not lag, nor their employees.

but alas, school > apple job and apple hiring team pwned me.

—–

i saw Watchmen and 17 again

meh on both, whoever said 17 again had an AMAZING storyline doesn’t know what the story was about but that zac was in it. Ok zac looked FINE in his white tshirt and audi R8 but the story wasn’t amazing and yes zac was FINE!

Watchmen was so long, and the sex scene was so unnecessary, i was embarrassed because my mom was right beside me cooking dinner, ok i honestly didn’t even pay enough attention to follow the storyline. The only thing that remotely kept my attention was the girl that played the nasty sister in 27 dresses, she had brown hair in this one!

—–

i still have to post a picture

“how good one is playing mario kart while drunk”

i wrote a few things about my favorite / scorn-worthy books here

A few days ago

Sunday July 26th

I am never hanging out with another person that i feel awkward with so that i can test out my ability to make small talk, and patience. Because, I have neither. I don’t care, screw social etiquette. I am going to go out with people that can make me laugh obnoxiously in public and not those that question the validity of my witty remarks.

Monday July 27th

I worked all day, honestly, I don’t remember anything else that happened.

Tuesday July 28th

Worked, yay the END!

(wait not yet) It’s starting to be mind numbing-ly hot. all I want to do is eat ice cream, which is just phonetically called “Ice” in Japan.

Wednesday July 29th

I worked, then went to the library attempting to catch some A/C. I failed, since the library has horrible A/C. If one thing that south eastern asian countries got right, it’s A/C.

It should be omnipresent, like …. Wi-fi, well, at the moment it isn’t

im looking at you, starbucks, with your paying wi-fi.

Thursday July 30th

Incredibly busy at work, had scallops / shrimp Spaghettini, that’s thinner spaghetti y’know.

On the ride home from the restaurant, had sudden flashbacks of /appear offline/ MSN conversation after a glass of red wine.

Purpose of conversation was lost on me, but I remember words like “I am a phone call away.” and “don’t think too much, I just want to be a good friend for once.”

towards someone that is clearly not the intention of.

oh crap.

i’m (not) yours

i haven’t felt really alive in a while.

i disconnected myself from twitter, facebook (lies) and MSN (truth).

i dont really know how i am passing my days; i dropped my other course that i’m suppose to be taking so i can chill out for a bit.

nothing bad has happened but nothing good either.

i’m spending my nights watching movies and reading Douglas Coupland novels (only fiction; no real world crap here please)

it’s kind of making me awesome; only in my mind.

i wish i had more followers than pure bots.

i hate bots; i get a little ring from gmail telling me that i have new followers; but it turns out it’s spam…

i got a new laptop today; correction; i got my mom a new laptop today; it’s bigger, cleaner, faster, but worser speakers; did i say worser speakers? yes i did.

my mom will destroy the new laptop less than i would so i think she should keep it instead of me.

Douglas coupland’s novels makes me feel like i’m drowning.

drowning in my lack of life.

microserfs

i think a lot of people are mad at (or hate) me; like A LOT, more than the number of pennies in my wallet. honestly? i don’t care.

I am thinking seriously about moving; moving in a bit more than a year;

it’ll make me seem heartless to not say goodbye properly to people that i’ve known for a while.

i dont think they’ll notice if i’m gone. so im kind of excited

self indulgence without having to kill yourself.

today i sat in the car while waiting for my mom to buy something at 7 – 11 i began to text my friend a “what up, r u dead” msg but my mom came back before i could finish.

i say “ru dead” because when i phone people 3 times in a row no one calls back. .

i am kind of a bitch because i talk too much and i talk shit about everyone; people need to know that that is how i am and i need to tell myself to stop doing it.

i couldn’t care enough to finish that text; instead i had a really good burger.

back to douglas coupland.

i wonder if those pages with repeated words like “ramen” is to fill up pages.

oh i also found a cheque in the book (the books are from the library)

next author to destroy is David Sedaris.

i don’t know the word for “discography” for books; so i’m just going to say that i am going to complete David’s “discography” next.

my mom’s making me drinks “green bean soup” it tastes like it sounds; not really actually; it tastes like water; really thick water. apparently it’s good for my kidneys

apparently i have a really bad kidney.